Handfasting History

 

From Patti Wigington, your Guide to Paganism / Wiccan Are you planning a handfasting? Image © Getty Images; Licensed to About.com It's that time of year again, when many Pagans are planning their handfasting ceremony. This is an event that's becoming more and more popular, as Pagan couples are seeing that there is indeed an alternative for non-Christians who want more than just a courthouse wedding. Today we're going to look at a number of features of the modern handfasting, including some tips on how to have a magical ceremony that your guests are sure to remember!

Handfasting History  Handfasting was common centuries ago in the British Isles, and then vanished for a while. Now, however, it's seeing a rising popularity among Pagan couples who are interested in tying the knot. Many couples choose to have a handfasting ritual instead of a traditional wedding ceremony. In some cases, it may be simply ceremonial -- a couple declaring their love for one another without the benefit of a state license. For other couples, it can be tied in with a state marriage certification issued by a legally authorized party such as a clergyperson or justice of the peace.Either way, it's becoming more and more popular, as Pagan and Wiccan couples are seeing that there is indeed an alternative for non-Christians who want more than just a courthouse wedding. Marriages, Irregular and Regular In centuries gone by, handfasting was a popular custom in the British Isles. In rural areas, it could be weeks or even months before a clergyman happened to stop by your village, so couples learned to make allowances. A handfasting was the equivalent of today's common-law marriage -- a man and woman simply clasped hands and declared themselves married. Generally this was done in the presence of a witness or witnesses. In Scotland, marriages were considered the office of the church until 1560, when marriage became a civil matter rather than a church sacrament. After that time, marriages were divided into "regular" and "irregular" marriages. A regular marriage took place when banns were read, followed by a clergyman performing the duties of the ceremony. An irregular marriage could take place in one of three ways: a public declaration by the couple that they were husband and wife, followed by consummation of the relationship; by mutual agreement; or simply by living together and being recognized as husband and wife. As long as everyone was above the age of consent (12 for brides, 14 for grooms) and not too closely related, irregular marriages were generally considered as valid as a regular marriage. Typically the gentry and landowners were married in the "regular" way, so there could be no question later on if the marriage was legally recognized or not -- in cases of inheritance, this could be a big issue. Handfastings or irregular marriages were considered the domain of the lower class and peasants. Around the middle of the 1700s, irregular marriages were made illegal in England -- but since Scotland kept the tradition, it wasn’t uncommon for an amorous British couple to elope over the border. Gretna Green became famous because it was the first town in Scotland that elopers would encounter once they left England -- and the Old Blacksmith's shop there became the site of many 'anvil weddings', performed by the village smith. An Old Concept, New Ideas The word "handfasting" fell by the wayside for many years. In the 1950s, when the witchcraft laws2 were repealed in England, various occultists and witches -- including Gerald Gardner3 and Doreen Valiente4 -- searched for a non-Christian term for their wedding ceremonies. They settled on "handfasting", and the concept was resurrected within the Neopagan movement. Typically, a Pagan handfasting was meant to be a secret ceremony, held only in front of your coven or study group. As Wicca and Paganism become more mainstream, however, more and more couples are finding ways to work their Pagan and Wiccan spirituality into their marriage ceremony. The actual term "handfasting" comes from the tradition of the bride and groom crossing arms and joining hands -- basically, creating the infinity symbol (a figure-eight) with the hands. In Neopagan ceremonies, the clergyperson performing the ceremony will join the couple's hands with a cord or ribbon during the ritual. In some traditions, the cord remains in place until the couple consummates the marriage. While some people may choose to have their handfasting be a permanent bond, others might declare it to be valid for "a year and a day5", at which point they will re-evaluate the relationship and determine whether to continue or not. Who Can Be Handfast? Anyone! One benefit of having a handfasting ceremony is that it because it's not the same as a legal wedding, there are more options available to people in non-traditional relationships. Anyone can have a handfasting -- same-sex couples6, polyamorus families7, transgender couples, etc. In Dianic Wicca8, Z Budapest used the word "tryst" to refer to a ceremony for a lesbian couple. Dormant for so long, the idea of the handfasting ceremony has enjoyed a huge rise in popularity. If you're fortunate enough to find someone you love enough to spend your life with, you may wish to consider having a handfasting rather than a traditional wedding ceremony.

Handfasting Tips: How to Have a Magical Ceremony  Spring is here, and love is in the air! For many people of Pagan and Wiccan faiths, this is the time of year for a handfasting ceremony. If you're lucky enough to have someone you love this much, there are a few things you may want to keep in mind while planning your handfasting ceremony. Plan as far ahead as possible, especially if you're going to be writing your own vows. It will be far less stressful if you -- and your clergyperson -- have been able to get familiar with the wording, rather than waiting till the last minute. Consider how long the ceremony is going to be. If you want people to stand in a circle, and have elderly relatives or small children present, anything longer than about half an hour is going to require chairs for some of your audience. In total, try to keep the ritual to about an hour -- if the crowd is really big, make your ceremony even shorter. Bear in mind that if you want to have a circle, you're going to need far more room than if you just stand at the altar with your beloved. Dancing, spinning, calling of the quarters -- all that stuff takes up space. Make sure that your location will accommodate all of your guests. Many Pagan and Wiccan couples hold their handfastings outdoors. If you choose to do this -- great! But make sure you've done your homework -- some public places like parks require you to have a reservation, or to fill out paperwork if there will be a large crowd present. When you make arrangements in advance, if you're concerned about public perception, you don't have to say "It's a Wiccan handfasting ceremony." Typically just the phrase "family gathering" or "we're getting married" will be sufficient, and both are truthful. Regardless, make sure you have permission to be where you're having your ceremony. If you hold your handfasting in a public place, be sure to respect the area -- if there are signs that say "no open flames," then don't have a bonfire. If food and beverages are prohibited, then don't have a potluck after the ceremony. Make sure you check into noise and entertainment ordinances as well -- the last thing you want is the police showing up at your handfasting because your drum circle was too loud. Be sure to plan ahead to have a cleanup crew -- designate specific individuals to be in charge of this task, rather than just saying "Hey, can someone pick up the trash?" as you and your new partner leave the site. If you plan to invite non-Pagan relatives or friends to the ceremony, you should probably prep them in advance. Don't ask them to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, but do let them know that the ritual has aspects of your spiritual path in it. Depending on just how Pagan your ceremony is going to be, and how your non-Pagan family feels about it, you may should let them know about any non-traditional activities before the ceremony -- and not at the last minute. That way, if great-aunt Matilda feels icky about you calling upon a bunch of gods she's never heard of, she can bow out altogether. It's a good idea to provide seating outside your circle for those who would like to watch but are uncomfortable with actual participation. Don't use your handfasting as a way of coming out of the broom closet1. You need to be able to focus all of your energy on the handfasting itself, and not spend it worrying about what your parents are going to think when they find out you and your beloved are practicing Wicca. Have that conversation well ahead of time. If you have family members or friends who are adamantly opposed to your having a Pagan ceremony, remember, it's your marriage, not theirs. You can either have a non-Pagan ceremony later and invite them to attend, or you can tell them that if they can't attend your handfasting, you understand and you love them anyway.

Handfasting Favors: Magical Gifts for Your Guests  It's become traditional to give each of your guests a small wedding favor. Typically, these are small trinkets with either the date of the event or the couples' names on them. However, if you're having a Pagan or Wiccan handfasting, rather than a traditional wedding ceremony, why not come up with an idea that celebrates your spiritual path, as well as announcing your commitment to the community? In some traditions, it's become popular to have a besom wedding1. Decorate small brooms with ribbons, flowers and a bundle of fresh herbs. You can usually pick up little brooms at the craft store, or you can make your own2. Make a magical charm for your guests -- perhaps one to help keep their own love strong. Put together a sachet or bottle of love-connected herbs3(lavender, rosemary), stones or crystals4 (jade, rose quartz) and magical flowers5 (rose, bleeding heart, yarrow). Honey is sacred to Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Pour honey into small jars, and put a decorative label on them with the dates of your handfasting, or a prayer from your tradition. Tie a ribbon or some raffia around the lid of the jar. If you have a vineyard nearby, see if they'll give you a deal on single-serving bottles of wine. Label the bottles with the date of your event, and a small poem or prayer. If you cross-stitch or do other needlecrafts, you can select a pair of symbols to represent the bride and groom, and then unite them into a sachet pillow, a hanging ornament, or some other item. Napkin rings and key fobs are perfect for this project, although it does take some time. Suncatchers are available at most craft stores, and can be painted easily. Find something with celestial or fantasy patterns, and decorate them for your guests. Trees are a gift that goes on for a long time. If there's a nursery near you, look into getting small saplings for each of your guests. If the cost is prohibitive, instead use a plant that grows and roots easily -- spider plants, aloe vera, or air ferns are great. Gather up seed packets for flowers and herbs. Tie the packets in a bundle with a decorate ribbon or cord, and place them in a small terra cotta pot. Paint the pot with decorative symbols. You can get the small pots relatively inexpensively at craft shops or garden supply centers. If you're tying your wedding in with a Sabbat6, which is a popular thing to do, consider making your favors connect to the holiday. If you're getting married at Imbolc7, give out small Brighid's crosses8, or if at Samhain9, offer each guest a small cauldron filled with magical stones or treats. Whatever favors you decide to give out, do it together as a couple. Put the loving energy of your relationship into the favors as you create them, and you'll be able to pass that harmony along to your friends and family in the gifts you share with them.

Deities of Love and Marriage  Throughout history, nearly all cultures have had gods and goddesses associated with love and marriage. Although a few are male -- Eros and Cupid come to mind -- most are female, because the institution of marriage has long been viewed as the domain of women. If you're doing a working relating to love, or if you wish to honor a particular deity as part of a marriage ceremony, these are some of the gods and goddesses associated with the very human emotion of love. Aphrodite (Greek)1 2Image © Stuart Gregory/Getty Images Aphrodite was the Greek goddess of love and sexuality, a job she took very seriously. She was married to Hephaistos, but also had a multitude of lovers -- one of her favorites was the warrior god Ares. A festival was held regularly to honor Aphrodite, appropriately called the Aphrodisiac. At her temple in Corinth, revelers often paid tribute to Aphrodite by having rambunctious sex with her priestesses. The temple was later destroyed by the Romans, and not rebuilt, but fertility rites appear to have continued in the area. Like many Greek gods, Aphrodite spent a lot of time meddling in the lives of humans -- particularly their love lives -- and was instrumental in the cause of the Trojan War.  Cupid (Roman)3 4Image © Getty Images In ancient Rome, Cupid was the incarnation of Eros5, the god of lust and desire. Eventually, though, he evolved into the image we have today of a chubby cherub, flitting about zapping people with his arrows. In particular, he enjoyed matching people up with odd partners, and this eventually ended up being his own undoing, when he fell in love with Psyche. Cupid was the son ofVenus6, the Roman goddess of love. He typically is seen on Valentine's Day cards and decorations, and is invoked as a god of pure love and innocence -- a far cry from his original form. Eros (Greek)7 8Image © Getty Images Although not specifically a god of love, Eros is often invoked as a god of lust and passion. This son of Aphrodite9 was a Greek god of lust and primal sexual desire. In fact, the word erotic comes from his name. He is personified in all kinds of love and lust -- heterosexual and homosexual -- and was worshipped at the center of a fertility cult that honored both Eros and Aphrodite together. During the classical Roman period, Eros evolved into Cupid10, and became portrayed as the chubby cherub that still remains as a popular image today. He is typically shown blindfolded -- because, after all, love is blind -- and carrying a bow, with which he shot arrows at his intended targets.  Frigga (Norse)11 12Image © Getty Images Frigga was the wife of the all-powerful Odin13, and was considered a goddess of fertility and marriage within the Norse pantheon14. Frigga is the only one besides Odin who is allowed to sit on his throne, Hlidskjalf, and she is known in some Norse tales as the Queen of Heaven. Today, many modern Norse Pagans honor Frigga as a goddess of both marriage and prophecy.  Hathor (Egyptian)15 16Image © Sylvester Adams/Getty Images As the wife of the Sun God, Ra17, Hathor is known in Egyptian legend as the patroness of wives. In most classical depictions, she is portrayed either as a cow goddess, or with a cow nearby -- it is her role as mother that is most often seen. However, in later periods, she was associated with fertility, love and passion. Hera (Greek)18 19Image © Karl Weatherly/Getty Images Hera was the Greek goddess of marriage, and as the wife of Zeus, Hera was the queen of all wives! Although Hera fell in love with Zeus (her brother) immediately, he isn't often faithful to her, so Hera spends a lot of time fighting off her husband's numerous lovers. Hera is centered around the hearth and home, and focuses on family relationships. Juno (Roman)20 21Image © Getty Images In ancient Rome, Juno was the goddess who watched over women and marriage. Although Juno's festival, the Matronalia22, was actually celebrated in March, the month of June was named for her. It's a month for weddings and handfastings23, so she is often honored at Litha24, the time of the summer solstice. During the Matronalia, women received gifts from their husbands and daughters, and gave their female slaves the day off work. Parvati (Hindu) 25Image © Santoch Kochar/Getty Images Parvati was the consort of the Hindu god Shiva26, and is known as a goddess of love and devotion. She is one of many forms of Shakti, the all-powerful female force in the universe. Her union with Shiva taught him to embrace pleasure, and so in addition to being a destroyer god, Shiva is also a patron of the arts and dance. Parvati is an example of a female entity who has a profound effect on the male in her life, for without her, Shiva would not have been complete.  Venus (Roman)27 28Image © Getty Images The Roman equivalent of Aphrodite29, Venus was a goddess of love and beauty. Originally, she was associated with gardens and fruitfulness, but later took on all the aspects of Aphrodite from the Greek traditions. Similar to Aphrodite, Venus took a number of lovers, both mortal and divine. Venus is nearly always portrayed as young and lovely. The statue Aphrodite of Milos, better known as the Venus de Milo, depicts the goddess as classically beautiful, with womanly curves and a knowing smile.  Vesta (Roman)30 31Image © Hamish Blair/Getty Images Although Vesta was actually a goddess of virginity, she was honored by Roman women along with Juno32. Vesta's status as a virgin represented the purity and honor of Roman women at the time of their marriage, and so it was important to keep her in high regard. In addition to her role as virgin-in-chief, however, Vesta is also a guardian of the hearth and domesticity. Her eternal flame burned in many Roman villages. Her festival, the Vestalia, was celebrated each year in June.