Shorts
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
If you're bad at haggling, you'll end up paying the price.
Just so everyone's clear, I'm going to put my glasses on.
A generous army general walked into a bar and ordered everyone around.
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
How much did Long John Silver pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
Ron once worked at a Chicago pizza shop to get by. He kneaded the dough.
Fran and her friends named their band ‘Duvet'. It's a cover band.
Dave lost his wife's audiobook, and now he'll never hear the end of it.
Why is ‘dark' spelled with a k and not c? Because you can't see in the dark.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? I guess, time will tell.
When Bill told his contractor he didn't want carpeted steps, they gave him a blank stare.
Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again."
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence.
Doctors got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's walk, and the results were staggering.
I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you say to comfort a friend who's struggling with grammar? There, their, they're.
Greg went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back."
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.
After going to California, Carolyn started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness. (Don't whine about grape puns.)
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