"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." —Jim Carrey

 "A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children." —Dave Barry

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"Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into a home." —Dennis Miller

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"When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway."—Erma Bombeck