Author: Moonfang
Posted: October 13th. 2013
Times Viewed: 1,163
As Samhain approaches we, as Pagans, Witches, Heathens, or whatever you like to call yourself, reflect on the year that has passed. Being raised Southern Baptist, I was always taught that Halloween was “Satan’s Holiday” even though I got to enjoy trick-or-treating until I was about nine years old.
Every year on Halloween, I go to my grandfather’s grave and eat lunch or dinner there. Not just to honor his spirit but also to celebrate his birthday, which is on October 30. This time around, I have another one to visit but I‘ll get to that in a moment.
I remember the book and the cartoon adaptation of “The Halloween Tree”. The Mexican traditions of The Day of the Dead are some common practices for me. I enjoy being able to commune with my ancestors and feel as if they are still with me. I have also taken time on Samhain to reflect back on the year and to think about what I have “planted” and what I have “reaped” whether it is for better or for worse. Samhain was traditionally the Celtic New Year but the Gregorian calendar now has January 1 as the beginning of the New Year. But on New Year’s Eve, who doesn’t make a list of things that they want to accomplish and reflect back on the year to see how far they have come? Habits are hard to break and even I still adhere to this one.
In the past year, I have lost a job, became homeless, found out I was HIV+, and on September 19, 2013, I lost my ex, Isaac Bashir, whom was found unresponsive in his apartment by his roommate, having died in his sleep. Guilt over this has set in because he had sent me a text message a week before he died and I never replied to it. Also, our last words spoken to each other months before were not exactly friendly. His message? “Don’t let your anger keep you from love”. That has stuck with me even in this moment.
I like to think that maybe Isaac knew he was going to die and this was his way of saying he was thinking of me because he knew how I am. I’ll admit that I have something of a temper when it comes to people mistreating me and people I care for. Who doesn’t? I am a Leo. I let pride get in the way of my feelings. I used to think that I could walk through life and not worry about what I said to others. I, like most people, believed that I would see those people again. How wrong I was.
So what does this have to do with my title? Well, in the book “Sacred Paths for Modern Men” by Dagonet Dewr (which is a very awesome read) , the author describes an archetype called The Destroyer. Dagonet describes the Destroyer as someone/something that destroys so the Creator can create. This is part of the belief in the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. We live, we die, and we are reborn.
Figuratively and literally.
Isaac’s last words to me and his passing destroyed something in me and gave birth to something else. It destroyed my pride and allowed me to see more clearly. As a worshipper of the Morrigan, this is something most welcomed. It’s a challenge and a call to answer. And I’m answering. The author also talks about how we can take our fear and make it into our strength by embracing that which we fear. The Destroyer is Death, not the Grim Reaper version, but a force that is necessary for our world to continue on.
There’s a picture/meme that I’ve seen that shows Life and Death having a conversation where Life asks, “How come people love me yet hate you?” and Death replies, “Because you are a beautiful life and I’m a painful truth.” This is true. We all must have this inevitable truth. The gift of the Destroyer is that Death gives us the strength to continue on and face what needs to be done. Sometimes in the process, you have to be strong. Sometimes you mourn and so work through your feelings that way…whatever it takes. Death is a continuing cycle and the wheel of life must keep turning.
I never want my last words to someone to be something filled with anger. Karma is a fickle mistress as recent events have shown me. As someone who claims to have a warrior’s spirit, a true warrior can admit mortal weakness and be bolstered by immortal strength. I believe that a true warrior is not afraid to show emotion where it is needed. There’s a saying: “Sometimes those who cry, do so because they’ve been strong for too long”. I’ve been strong for a long time. I never really showed my true emotions to people. But in the gift of the Destroyer, of Death, you can find the strength to let go and let the cycle of life continue on knowing that you are a part of it and necessary to help maintain the balance in this world.
So, as this next magical year comes and the past one leaves, think about what you want to “destroy” and what you want to “create”. What is it that you want to mourn and/or allow to die so that life can move on? Is it a habit? An ideal? Or someone that you loved? It’s never too late to make the change and to mold yourself into something better.
I want to be molded into a powerful instrument for the Goddess and the God. I want to be a pillar for my community and to honor those who have come before me. So on Samhain this year, I will be honoring not only my grandfather for the strength that he gave me but also Isaac, who showed me how to destroy the worst parts of myself in order to create something beautiful.
Isaac Bashir, you will always have a special place in my heart. May the Goddess Morrigan guide you and may Lord Anubis protect you. Until we meet again the Summerlands.
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